My Feeling

back from Ipoh trip....
all the while, during the trip even we for many entertainment, but there still something in my heart. hardly to not let it go and i jus barely enjoy the trip. the worst thing is i knock my head on tree while im at waterfall, everything happen to fast where i did't notice the tree. its still hurt and pain till now.
we went for the movie Fast and Furious 4, quite nice movie with car and chick.....
and still im thinking of her....its like a memory in my mind, keep on appear no matter what i doing, first thing i will think of her....
kinda moody few time during the trip....
and i keep on getting feel something weird....
and this happen on me....i think
something happen and its really a hurt....even small matter, but is big to me.
thought of getting good starting, i think is impossible.
she feel insecure that im not beside her, coz im to far away,
i admit it, i know she feel hard too....

planned to back KL next week, actually is tomorrow,cause need to get some act book and visit the pc fair, but cant edi time wrong planned. anyway the most important is not both of that but is to meet her face to face and have a nice talk, due to wrong planning and i postpone to next week, now is become purposely back there cause i really cant handle anymore, i think its wrong and become worst.

i need to settle fast so i can calm down and concerntrate. she still unsure what answer she will gave me. and i jus worried that she cant give me a answer too even we meet. i can guess it edi, what will happen. its happen before and history started to roll over again.

having this blog typing with some tear fall out,
i dun really like that feel,
but i cant control....she ask me why i have so strong feel on her, actually how to answer this question i also cant really tell cause is jus the matter of feel.
to hate her i cant do it,
to not care her i cant do it,
to not concern on her i cant do it too....
maybe im really really into it until i cant pull back....

but after all is her choice to say yes or no and im the 1 that can only accept the answer....
i think i will back KL, and i will let her choose to see me or not, i think this is only the way i can know the answer. no matter is good or bad i still can accept it when is early. dun let me know at last cause i will get mad with it....i swear
and i will really hate that they try to give hope to people,
people will starting putting effort and think that will be a good hope,
at last the hope gone, make people sad and hurt the most. i don't want it to happen cause i hate it very much. but i guess it already happen on me if not mistaken and it happen now.

if you not sure then dun let people know they have hope, this won't hurt them cause they don't even know it right???
they won't put much effort into it, cause they know they dun have any chances, but if they know they will have chances sure they will put more effort.
they will only keep all in their heart and they cant even express it out to let the person know....
all the while they only can keep it for own even they sad and suffer....
cause they know no point telling out since they had no chance....
and im the person went through all this at the moment, when i accidently saw her photo my tear started to fall out again as its really the feel i cant control.
its really very hard to go through all this and i think of let go before, but i cant forget her....
someone ask me why would you spend all your time on her while there is more outside, i only can answer is i really love her. so everything is worth even time flowing away.
i think at last what i still will do is keep it all for myself....
so no 1 will get hurt and no 1 will suffer....only me know about it.